Sponge bath it is.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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