i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
