he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
