Your tits are I can't wait for
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
