i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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