what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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