Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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