If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have fence marks all over my body
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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