just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
