Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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