i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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