I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
