Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
