like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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