Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
