I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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