We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
