She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
