I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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