I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
