I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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