Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
