I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
