I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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