He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
