Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
