I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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