Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
