i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
