i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
