can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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