I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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