That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
