he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
