I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
