omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
