He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
