I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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