I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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