i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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