I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
