he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
