I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
