Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
