i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
