"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
