I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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