i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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