Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
