My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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