ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
