Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
