So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
