i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Enjoy the penises
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
