dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
